Sexless in the City

I think I'm going to regret this...But to hell with it.

2008-06-12T12:15:00.001-07:00

OK, I have succumbed to my own curiosity, my own dying need to know what the world of online dating can hold for a girl like me (ie: not totally heinous-looking or mentally disable). So, I did it. I created a profile on Match.com after one of my friends here was gushing about the line of dates she'd secured for this week. I had barely gotten familiar with the site before 37-year-old men started 'winking' (like a facebook poke, only creepier) at me and sending me random messages. I almost hightailed it right back out, but I thought, I have this 3-day trial, what the hell? Why shouldn't I wait around to see if normal guys happen to respond?

Lo and behold, I have a couple of prospects. It's no easy picking out there - I have to go off of a few pictures and, having chosen my own profile pic after painstakingly perusing my own vault of images from the past 3 years (and wondering why I never kept up with my aerobics classes) I realize that they probably are using pics that hide their flaws - the buck teeth, saggy butt, crossed eyes, scraggly feet, etc. I'm not trying to be shallow, but damnit, I'm not trying to date some troll either.

Long story short, I have a date this weekend. I think. I don't know. I am sitting at my desk at work right now, biting my nails to the quick and having a mental tennis match with myself. Do I go? Do I say I've come down with a rare illness and back out? Will he be a rapist? Will he be 5'4" rather than his claim to be 5'10"? What if he smells? What he thinks I smell? (For the record, I don't. I have witnesses.)

I think I am going to give this a try. Hell, what do I have to lose? An afternoon? He seems decent, we've been chatting through messages, talking about weather and other lame crap like that. He ends every message with "Stay cool" which could be an indicator of potential annoying factors, but I'm trying not to hold it against him too much. Truth be told, I am going balls out on this one - I am terrified. And a bit insecure...what if he thinks I'm a troll? What he takes one look and decides he suddenly wants to go gay? Why do I care so much? Grrrr...

This is nerve-wracking to the extreme, but I know that if don't jump when I have the chance, I'll never make any progress - especially in this city. So, despite my fears and phobias, I will do this. I can do this. I am not a troll.

At least I hope not...

wish me luck!

-A

PS: Did I mention he's a fire fighter? Two words: Bonus. Points.

Subways are a bitch

2008-06-02T18:52:00.000-07:00

New York City is great for finding yourself. It's amazing for concerts, museums, history, funky subway rides, getting lost, hailing cabs, Asian takeout and strutting around with a NYTimes tucked under one arm, heels that are impossible to walk in and a pencil skirt and thinking that you are some Bigger than life businesswoman. It is not, I repeat NOT, the city for dating.
How do you meet a decent gentlemen, I beg of you, when you're being shoved along in a tidal wave of suited and sweaty people at rush hour in Grand Central Station, elbows and briefcases flying and clinging to your purse like a life raft even though some small person just head-butted it trying to cut you off on their way to the bathroom? Eventually, you get puked out through the exit door onto a chaotic 42nd street where there are cars to dodge, sewer holes to navigate around and the constant threat of completely losing track of where the hell you are.
But what can I say? This is the life I chose. The Big Apple - the land of opportunity and outrageously over-priced food items. One year left to go in my college career and I've become a premature flea on the back of this unpredictable city, holding on for dear life with about a zillion of my fellow parasites, just trying to get what's mine and keep it close no matter the odds.
It's a jungle out there, goes the old cliche, and I'm Jane I suppose, only I'm not looking for a Tarzan to carry me off on a wild vine. I need a man to keep up with my strides, clumsy and awkward as they are in my youth, as I navigate this place and get jostled along, caught up in my own world of ambition. I only hope I'll have the sense to pause once in a while and remember to just look up, over and past the insanity, and see him while he's there. Like a busted old taxi, it's only there as long as you wait to raise your hand and stake your claim - if you hesitate for even a moment, get distracted picking lint off your fancy black pants or checking to make sure someone didn't swipe your iPod, it could be gone in a flash. Someone else's prize for the day. Someone else's reminder that there's more to live for than yourself.

-A

Let's start from the beginning...

2008-05-31T23:12:00.000-07:00

If you ever want to understand me, you have to know my past.

First of all, I'm a pastor's daughter. Go ahead -- assume that all of my quirks derive from that very fact. But the truth is that while my family's beliefs are deeply embedded in the way I live my life, they're not the only reason I've chosen to abstain from sex.

At a young age I was in a relationship filled with trust issues, jealousy and overwhelming physical pressure. It changed me forever, and I promised myself that I would never be treated like an object again. And when I entered my next relationship, I made it clear that sex wasn't an option. Brandon would have to love me for me.

Years later when Brandon proposed, it would have been easy to say, "We can have sex now." After all, it was clear at that point that he was in it for the long haul. But both of us made the decision that it could wait. We had made it that far without having sex as a focus of our relationship, and being so young and ambitious, neither of us were willing to risk unwanted pregnancy scares -- or even worse, an actual pregnancy for which we weren't ready.

Until now, everything in my life made sense. I was in a happy relationship with a guy who understands me and my insecurities. Not to mention I had amazing friends who fully supported me and my decisions.

After moving to New York though it became obvious that I'm different from others my age -- I'm engaged, abstaining from sex and, to top it all off, I don't drink. That's right, I said it; I don't drink. Again, I have my reasons, most of which stem from my alcoholic-ridden family. Because of my family history, I have the unfortunate potential to become a mean drunk, one that destroys her own life along with everyone involved. And that's something I'm just not willing to do.

So here I am, living in one of the greatest cities in the world, trying to meet new people and maintain some kind of social life -- all while being obscenely different from everyone around me. It's difficult, but slowly I'm learning that it's OK to pursue your own kind of happiness. And for me, this way of life is happiness.

Will I make it? Stay tuned...

Love (but no sex!),
Katie